Mental Retardation: Experience
By pure accident many years ago I was in one party with mentally retarded people and their families. Initially I thought that I myself need these people: such families often live in deep isolation. But I had to make a surprising discovery: it turns out these strange people also want me, and seems to need all of us, so-called normal. At first I was afraid of them - now I well understand why surrounding turn away from them in the street or try not to meet with them look in the subway. Many simply do not know how to behave with "abnormal". Because of such people on the street trying not to notice, sometimes from good intentions do not offend them. And, with a particular family man caught in isolation, in his closed world: their name is rarely visit, it is not easy to go to the theatre or in cafes.
If you enter into this world as an unknown in the country, it turns out there you are waiting for the opening. And the opening not only sad, but happy too.
At first I thought: "I am that lacks its own problems, even to strangers in vlezat, where practically and help something impossible?" Then I did not understand one simple thing: when strangers confronted with these problems, your own problems, too, are changing. They lose weight. For example, during the war in people undergoing long-standing neuroses. When a person with Down syndrome carefully asked me why I have such a sad, forcing it to think. What, actually, I glozhet? What it is time to go to the dentist, but scared, and now you have no money? Why in my apartment always prevails bardak such a nightmare? But perhaps I am sitting in his tiny mirke and moved their small delights? While this young man with Down syndrome not only cares about my feeling, but know how to enjoy life much more than me. When confronted with people who live much more difficult, this does not solve their own problems, but exempts from the small-minded and allow to look at themselves and their lives in a different perspective.
Mental retardation - this decline IQ (intelligent coefficient) from early childhood, making people worse learns everything: from reading and numeracy to social skills. This condition is not treated.
Such children are born does not only delete alcoholics. The reasons for the mass here: trauma at birth or in early childhood and infection, the devastating effects of poor application of drugs, thousands of genetic diseases. In many cases, with the survey sverhsovremennom cause remains a mystery for scientists.
This condition should not be confused with mental illness that can strike people regardless of their level of intelligence.
According to statistics of the world, are mentally retarded 2,5-3% of the population (for example, blindness occurs in 25 times less); the problem relates to one of 10 families. True, in 87% of cases, this slight decline in intelligence, is it noticeable that in school, and, in general, many such people can easily adapt to normal life.
Study of the most important language
Often I lose, not knowing what to talk with them. Stereotype gossip, talk about the weather, read books about and the mother immediately seem high falsehood. And above all, I had to learn one important thing: not to fill pauses in the conversation empty words. Otherwise, I have too often produces a conversation with himself. In addition, some mentally retarded people use words little or no talk. And it helps to make a discovery: everyone, even if he does not speak and did not understand the meaning of the words, it is still continuously communicates. He spoke with me all my body. And that leads to teach the most important "foreign" language - sign language, partying and touch. When you are talking only about the weather, movies or affairs, it is easy to forget that nonverbal language is much more important - especially in the sphere of relations. The mentally retarded persons (as indeed, and normal young child) is about forcing remember.
Therefore, such a person has taught me more clearly and fully communicate with my family, and with all people. I have to remember that I have a body (more precisely, that I have a body), and communicate on a deeper level, the boundaries of words. Sometimes people are not encumbered conditionally, give good feedback. So, once Olya B., mentally retarded girl, told me: "You schurishsya at me, as in the sun". And the truth, I had to realize that at the moment I am both angry at her, and she tried to smile: get a double message.
Another small but important discovery. Nonverbal communication - is always a world of touch. Before, I did not suspect how many people may refer the whole touch. In our lives touch mainly associated with expression of sexuality, and because all other forms of it to some extent fall under the ban. I do not suspect that tactile suffer from hunger. I often want to touch someone, and this is not relevant to erotica. But too often, I do not do this for fear of being misunderstood. Communicate with people who do not speak, allows violate social taboos. And I came to the conclusion that these taboos abnormal and that we, the so-called "normal people", simply communicate inferiority.
Psychological presence
The mentally retarded people teaches me very important things - not escape from the relationship. It is well known that you can sit in one room with others and psychologically absent. This occurs in many families where people seem to be next, but each went to his private inner world. A special person teaches you to attend. He would like all the time said the words or the body: "I need you. Encouraging with me ". Probably, this is not of good life: many such people affektivno hungry because no one other than the parents do not want to be with them together. They need relationships, we need friends. Therefore, they always asked me to attend.
This is easy to forget at work or with normal friends, which has silenced all the words in the head and vertyaschiesya projects. But, it turns out the ability to attend - a very important thing wherever you live with people: in love and married or with our children. Being a man "nizachem" - and this is a great luxury, and necessary food for relations. Thus, special people teach me this deep conversation.
The mystery man
When I first came to visit Sasha G., he did not talked with me: he used that wrong people do not speak with him. He sat in the statute Broken TV, where the image is absent, and worked only sound. We quickly became acquainted. I need him. It does not matter how much I ganan article and what I write, I am smart or stupid. It is important only to myself, and I belong to it.
And I look at him and think: What Is Man? Sasha does not know how to read and write, he said offers a maximum of three words. He was not travelling in the city itself, because that could get into any bus and did not return home - this happened. But I did not see it "not quite human". On the contrary: it has more rights than in many of my good friends, because he opened it all here and more lives at the level of relations.
Sasha and other strange people is changing my life philosophy and how I look at the world, changing the perception that the most important thing in person, and what does not. The man is not measured by their success and achievements, not measured levels of IQ. This is changing my attitude towards others: interesting people around becoming much more.
And it also changes my attitude to himself. When I accept these strange people with me very therapeutic change occurs. It is easier to take himself. I think in each of us lives internal "mentally retarded", which we are ashamed of and hide from others and from themselves. This is our incompetence, stupidity and uneasiness, a feeling of his secret ubozhestva. It is probably close to what Adler described as "an inferiority complex". We are trying to overcome it in the competition, trying to prove to yourself and others that we belong to the best. But as a result we have an overwhelming humanity: the ability to love, and build relations with people to be together - and flee from themselves.
When I open the beauty of strange person, it allows me to discover the beauty of all that before I imagine my rejected as "shameful ubozhestvo". And then I can take behave as I have. This is a matter of therapy. Thus, people who seem ridiculous and unnecessary, we have a healing and make us humanity, ineducable much to teach us. They really need us. They invite us not to be too normal, so we can become more humane and happier.
